- Set Copyblogger as your start-up
- Put a number in every — every — blog title
- Use paragraphs of one sentence, and sentences of one word. You. Heard. Me. One. Word.
- Write 500 words about nothing 3 times a day
- Pretend to be a man
- Delete all styles except numbered list
- Know the answer to everything and the question to none
- Consider non-US English a foreign language
- Write a “how to” post. Just. Like. This.
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This is too good. Perhaps I could suggest one addition:
10. Include a bio which includes the names of all of your childhood pets, friends, teachers and awards. Make sure that all childhood traumas, which made you the universal expert on the human condition that you are, are lovingly detailed for widespread consumption.
Of course, how could I have missed the bio? And 11. Apply liberal sprinkling of the words, “zen” and “calm.”
I’ve inadvertently found ways to dramatically increase the number of hits on one’s blog, and therefore have a “popular” blog.
I’ll explain that I occasionally also post my pieces on a social networking site at Gather.com. In one piece, I made an off-hand reference to Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and I used their names as tags to the piece. From the normal 10 or so hits I was getting for each post on Gather, I got close to 300 hits on the piece I mentioned.
So, write about current Hollywood stars and starlets, and tag your pieces with their names, and you’ll be the blogging flavour of the week.
Some weeks ago on one of my WordPress pieces, I inserted an image of a frog, because I made a passing reference to frogs in what I wrote. Some weeks after, I noted a huge increase of traffic on my blog – up to 300 hits a day from the normal three or four.
Upon investigation I discovered that people were coming into my site through Google images, via the image of the frog. So I removed the frog from my posting. Traffic accordingly dropped off.
Ditto with a photo from the Great Depression, which I also later removed because of the deluge of traffic.
I wouldn’t have minded if the clickers-on actually read anything I wrote. But it was obvious from my sitemeter that they were reading nothing.
So, if you want lots of traffic, pictures are the way to go. I suggest lots of pictures of Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, the Great Depression, and……….frogs.
Otherwise just write about Brad Pitt and friends, and tag accordingly. Get with Zeitgeist.
Ha, love it! 12. Include a picture of a frog.
Finally, satire strikes back.
May your post be automatically generated under every ten-step how-to post henceforth.
ha ha SGx
May I add one? (Thought I would start off with a question…)
Include the words sex, cleavage, or tattoo in the title of the post.
Or write about works of literature that American students are studying.
My blog an an inordinate number of hits on The Scarlet Letter last September…
Funny blogpost. Thanks.
Ah yes, of course. 13. Start with a question. What about, 14. Commit any barbarism lest not use “you”?
“Cleavage”, hey? I think I quite like that that works. SGx