Going through some old notes the other day I found a copy of the parable of Gawain and the Lady Ragnell. I first read this story six years ago and each time I come across it – as time passes and my understanding of my womanhood develops — I get something afresh. And each time I realise I’ve grasped only a fraction of its meaning.
The story is an ancient one, according to psychotherapist, Polly Young-Eisendrath, who uses it as the motif of her book, Women & Desire: Beyond Wanting to be Wanted. (1)
It first appeared formally as a thirteenth century folktale, although “elements of its plot and themes” show up in earlier works including Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales.
“Since then,” Young-Eisendrath says, “it has been told and retold in many forms throughout the world.”
Before you read this story, there is one paradox, amongst several, to note:
- men will not get it; this is not bad or wrong, it’s simply what’s so
- the story, especially the denouement, relies on men.
*****
One day, King Arthur was out hunting a great white stag at the edge of the oak woods when he looked up and found himself confronted by a tall, powerful chieftain, swinging his sword and appearing as if he would cut down the king on the spot. This man was Sir Gromer, who declared that he was seeking revenge for the loss of some of his northern lands to Arthur. Since Arthur was unarmed, Sir Gromer showed the king mercy and gave him a chance to save his life.
Gromer issued a challenge: the king had one year to return unarmed to this spot with an answer to the question “What do women desire above all else?” If Arthur answered the question correctly, his life would be spared; if not, he would lose his head.
Arthur agreed, but he was very discouraged. This must be a trick question, he thought. He felt certain that no one knew the answer.
Back at the castle Arthur told the entire story to his nephew Sir Gawain, who was known as the wisest, bravest, most compassionate and courteous of all the Knights of the Round Table. The young knight, in contrast to the king, was hopeful. He and Arthur had a year to search the kingdom, and he was certain they would find the right answer.

Enter a large, grotesque woman
Almost a year passed, and Arthur and Gawain collected many answers, but not one had the ring of truth. The appointed day was almost upon them when one morning Arthur rode out alone through the purple heather and golden gorse, deep in thought about his predicament. At the edge of the oak woods, he was suddenly confronted by a large, grotesque woman who was covered with warts and almost as wide as she was tall.
Her eyes met his fearlessly as she declared, “You are Arthur, the king, and in two days you must meet Sir Gromer with an answer to a question.”
“Yes,” Arthur replied hesitantly, “but how do you know about this?”
I am the Lady Ragnell, and Sir Gromer is my stepbrother. You don’t have the right answer, do you?
“I have many answers, and I don’t see how it concerns you,” Arthur retorted, gathering his reins to turn and ride home.
“You do not have the right answer,” said Ragnell with a confidence that filled Arthur with gloom. “I have the answer.”
Arthur turned and leaped off his horse. “Tell me the answer and I will give you a large bag of gold!”
“I have no use for gold,” Ragnell replied calmly.
Nonsense, woman, you can buy anything you want with it! What do you want, then? Jewelry, land? Whatever you want, I will pay you – that is, if you have the right answer.
“I know the answer. I can promise you that,” responded Ragnell. After a slight pause she added, “I demand in return that Sir Gawain become my husband.”
Arthur gasped. “Impossible!” he shouted. “You ask the impossible, woman. I cannot give you my nephew. He’s his own man, not mine to give!”
I did not ask you to give me the knight Gawain. If Gawain agrees to marry me of his own free will, then I will give you the answer. Those are my terms.
“Terms! What right do you have to give me terms? It’s impossible! I could never bring him such a proposal.”
Ragnell stared calmly at the king’s face and simply said, “If you should change your mind, I will be here tomorrow.” Then she disappeared into the woods.
Gawain’s resolve
Shaken from this strange encounter, Arthur rode home at a slow pace, thinking to himself that he could never speak to Gawain of this matter. The loathsome woman! How dare she ask for the finest knight in marriage! But the afternoon air was soft, and the fateful meeting with Gromer weighed heavily on Arthur. When the king returned to the castle, he found himself telling his nephew about his adventure, concluding, “She knows the answer, I’m sure of it – but I didn’t intend to tell you any of this.”
Gawain smiled sweetly, not yet knowing Ragnell’s specific proposal. “But this is good news, Uncle. Why do you sound so discouraged?”
With his eyes averted, the king reported Ragnell’s demand, along with a detailed description of her grotesque face, warty skin, and bulging size.
“How fortunate that I can save your life!” replied Gawain immediately. Over his uncle’s protests Gawain stated, “It is my choice and my decision. I will return with you tomorrow and agree to the marriage, on the condition that her answer saves your life.”
Early the next morning Gawain rode out with Arthur to meet the Lady Ragnell. Even seeing her face-to-face did not shake Gawain’s resolve. Her proposal was accepted, and Gawain bowed to her courteously. “If tomorrow your answer saves the king’s life, we shall be wed.”
A bizarre wedding
On the fateful morning Gawain rode out part of the way with Arthur, who assured the knight that he would try all the other answers first.
The tall, powerful chieftain was waiting for Arthur, his broadsword gleaming in the sun. As Arthur read out one answer after another, Gromer shouted, “No! No! No!” until at last he raised his sword high above his head. “Wait!” the king cried. “I have one more answer. What a woman desires above all else is the power of sovereignty, the right to exercise her own free will.”
With a loud oath Gromer dropped his sword to his side. “You didn’t find that answer on your own! My cursed stepsister Ragnell gave it to you! I’ll cut off her head. I’ll run her through with my sword!” He turned and plunged back into the forest, a string of curses echoing after him.
Arthur returned to where Gawain waited with the Lady Ragnell. All three rode back to the castle in silence. Only Ragnell seemed in good spirits.
The news spread quickly through the castle that a bizarre wedding was to take place between an ugly hag and the magnificent Gawain. No one could imagine what had persuaded Gawain to marry this creature. Some thought she must possess great lands and estates. Others thought she must have some secret angle. Most were just stunned at the fate of poor Gawain.
King Arthur drew his nephew aside. “A postponement might be in order,” he said.
“I gave her my promise, Uncle. Would you have me break my word?” Gawain replied.

“What manner of sorcery is this?”
So the wedding took place in the abbey, and the strange wedding feast was held before the entire court. Throughout the long day and evening, Gawain remained pleasant and courteous. In no way did he show anything but kind attention to his bride.
At last the wedding couple retired to their chamber. “You have kept your promise well and faithfully,” Ragnell observed. “You’ve shown me neither pity nor revulsion. Come kiss me now that we are wedded.”
Gawain went to her at once and kissed her. When she stepped aside before him stood a serene, beautiful woman with gray eyes and a smiling face. His scalp tinged with shock, and he jumped back. “What manner of sorcery is this?”
Ragnell replied, “Do you prefer me in this form?” as she turned slowly in a full circle.
“Yes, of course, but I don’t understand,” stammered Gawain, confused and frightened.
My stepbrother Gromer has always hated me. He obtained a knowledge of sorcery from his mother and used it to change me into a monstrous hag. He commanded me to live in that shape until the finest knight in Britain willingly chose me as his bride.
“But why did he hate you so cruelly?” asked Gawain.
With her lips curled in amusement, Ragnell stated, “He thought me bold and unwomanly because I refused his commands, for both my property and my person.”
With great admiration Gawain said, “Then you have won the impossible condition, and his evil spell is broken!”
“Only in part, my dear Gawain.” Her eyes held his steadily. “You have a choice which way I will be. Would you have me in this, my own shape, at night in our chamber? Or would you have me grotesque in our chamber at night and my own shape by day in the castle? Fair by night, or fair by day – think carefully before you choose.”
Gawain knelt before his bride and responded at once. “It is a choice I cannot make. It concerns you, my dear Ragnell, and only you can choose. Whatever you choose, I will willingly abide by it.”
Ragnell released a long, deep breath. The radiance in her face overwhelmed him.
You have answered well, dearest Gawain. Your answer has broken Gromer’s evil spell completely. The last condition he set after that, after the marriage, the greatest knight in Britain, my husband, must give me the power of sovereignty, the right to exercise my own free will. Only then would the wicked enchantment be broken forever.
And so in wonder and joy began the marriage of Sir Gawain and the Lady Ragnell.
*****
Image: Polly Young-Eisendrath (top)
Notes
1. The version of the story cited by Young-Eisendrath is published in The Maid of the North: Feminist Folk Tales from Around the World, edited by Ethel Johnston Phelps.





When I was doing my English degree we studied fairy tales and folklore and the lecturer used this story to show how different schools of criticism (e.g., feminist, queer, Freudian, various Postmoderns) would interpret the story. It was fascinating and fun.
Here is some other writing on the story: http://www.alanirvine.com/wip/ragnall/ragnmain.htm
That sounds fun. The link was fun too. It’s so great how Irvine demonstrates the way in which men just cannot get it. He makes a point somewhere about the word “want” and how it’s crucial because it means not only “desire,” but also “lack.” This is one of the reasons why men cannot get it: because they cannot understand what it means to lack sovereignty.
The rebuttal is also great. As the women point out the story is not only about sovereignty, but honour and respect. As they also suggest Irvine incorrectly locates the power-generating crux of the story in the moment when Gawain answers Ragnell’s question; there are at least two scenes more powerful and essential: (1) when Ragnell stands her ground in the face of the king’s scorn; and (2) when Gawain kisses her despite her appearance.
Thanks so much for the link :)
hello Sgx,
thought you might enjoy this link from another native of Cleveland and a brilliant artist… he is a man and he gets it :)
http://www.davidbyrne.com/here_lies_love/video.php
Oooh, I love DB too. Haven’t heard from him in ages. Not quite your average man, what? :) The clip’s great. Did you see her face when she’s dancing with Kissinger? “Beam me up,” is written there, plain as day. And when she sees Ford dancing, she’s got to be whispering behind that hand, “This guy’s President????”
Did you see DB’s got a blog on his site? Just like the rest of us it’s got boring bits, bits about dreams, too long bits. Nice. Thanks x (which means a kiss in Aust, and to be used liberally because we like to be liked).
yes saw the blog,
and i’m special because DB sends me “personal” emails :)
he was also one of the first to use performance art while entertaining?
always been a fan of performance art. if by not typical man, you mean… ahem “gay”, well then maybe that explains a bit.
Personal emails, hey? What does he say … “Dafna, come up and see my big suit”? :) I didn’t mean gay; I just meant he’s always seemed intelligent and questioning and imaginative.
he, he, he,
i saw him up close in one of those big suits! no, his emails don’t seem like bulk junk… they seem so personal.
i don’t know how i started getting them, maybe from the web site. you can be special too and get them. he is brilliant.
Marianne Faithful used to come around from time to time and you could see her up close also. Cleveland used to be “the heart of rock and roll”.
I think what women really want initially is to be impregnated and what men really want is to impregnate. After that biological imperitive is decided, to or not to, all other wishes are psychological machinations brought on by our accidental self-consciousness.
Arthur
Wow.
[...] This morning I wanted to talk to You about RESPECTING OTHERS as opposed to LABELING OTHERS. This, God, is what comes of thinking. Or maybe it is what comes of shaking bits of information together as if the Mind were a Kaleidoscope? But, somehow, what came up was the old story of Lady Ragnell. [...]