One of the surprising things I’ve discovered about real conversation is that amazing things happen when you share your discoveries and triumphs.
If you’re anything like I used to be, you’re probably having discoveries and triumphs you’re not even recognising, let alone getting present to. If that’s the case, there is a whole realm of joy and satisfaction and connection available to you that’s going begging.
There are at least three benefits of sharing.
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Re-doing the experience
I once heard about an experiment involving piano playing that impressed me greatly. Some scientists had mapped the brain patterns of experienced pianists in two different situations:
- when they were actually playing the piano
- when they were playing the piano “in their mind” only.
What the scientists found was that in each case the brain was lit up in exactly the same way. Whether the pianist was actually playing the piano, or only imagining it, made no difference to the pattern and amplitude of the brain’s activity.
The same effect applies when you share your discoveries and triumphs with others. You experience the satisfaction and joy of your triumph all over again, and it has just as much power, just as much juice, as the original experience.
The effect is something we all understand instinctively. Think for example of when you first fell in love with your current partner or the great love of your life. It doesn’t even need to be a person you’re thinking of; it could be some grand passion you have for a hobby like dog breeding or bee keeping or French films. Or knitting.
Now think of how often and how readily you talk about that first meeting, that first glance, what he said, what she was wearing, that surprising thing he did. Each time we discuss it we effectively re-do our feelings of this magical occasion, and experience again the rush of delight and promise.
This same re-doing of experience through re-telling is available for our smaller, everyday triumphs and discoveries. Perhaps you feel they are not worth the tale.
Believe me, they are.
The smaller the discovery or triumph, the greater the impact often. And they have one major advantage: they’re happening now, not back in the past. So one begins to know one’s present life as rich and surprising.
Doing it for the first time
In some cases, sharing enables us to have the experience, not for the second or third time, but the first time.
I recently heard someone give a perfect example. Earlier in the year she’d found herself at the Great Wall of China alone (a triumph in itself in China, she said). It was cold and snowy and she’d spent the visit looking down trying not to slip on the icy steps. It wasn’t until she got back to her hotel, she said, and rang her husband that she got the experience of being on the Great Wall of China. In sharing with her husband she lived the experience for the first time and felt the full wonder and significance of the day.
This is where sharing reveals its surprising nature. Many times I’ve been sharing something with someone and all of a sudden I’ll see something I didn’t see when I started the conversation. It’s in the sharing that something new enters.
Creating new possibilities
The third benefit of sharing is what it makes available in the world. Because you and me are making our world, one conversation at a time.
I talked before about G who shared how she’d been morbidly obese and had lost 50kgs. As she said, this was an immense personal achievement; even more importantly, it was now a possibility out there in the world. Because she did it, and because she shared about it.
I shared a small triumph myself a couple of weeks ago and was amazed at the response. All I did was send a short text message to 20 or so friends, and for the rest of the day I received messages of thanks for having them be excited and inspired too. As one of my friends said,
Couldn’t have got this message at a better time because I’d been putting off doing a project and now I’m inspired.
Every single time you share an insight, a discovery, a triumph – no matter how seemingly small – you create the opportunity for someone else to have an insight, a discovery, a triumph.
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Image: Flickr by daviddb
wonderful, and thanks for sharing ;) – we’re out here listening.
i know that the “real conversation” that is the topic of the thread must occur in person, but i would like to share…
Many times I’ve been sharing something with someone and all of a sudden I’ll see something I didn’t see when I started the conversation. It’s in the sharing that something new enters.
here i hope is a short, funny example of point #2:
“the regular egg”
the local coffee shop started to offer breakfast sandwich’s. so i inquire; “sir, what type of egg is used?”
response: “a regular egg”
“no, i mean is it scrambled?”
response: “it’s a regular egg”
“well, what i’m trying to find out, is how is it cooked? is there a bit of white and yellow showing?”
response: “it’s a regular egg”
etc., etc, etc, response always: “it’s a regular egg”
“o.k., i’ll have a number three, thanks.
as i sat waiting, the steam was pouring out of my ears.
it was only when i walked back to the counter, regular egg sandwich in hand, to have a conversation that the humor of the situation became apparent!
i began to explain to the sales person that if someone is repeating a question they most likely did not understand the answer, therefore he/she might wish to alter their response to something besides “a regular egg”.
to my surprise, i learned later that the employee inquired about a better response!
“a regular egg”, has become an expression in our home – to be used when we don’t know the answer to a question. just shrug the shoulder and reply “a regular egg”.
it was only in the re-telling of the story (at the counter) that i discovered the lesson and the humor.
sharing, re-telling, and re-living all have healthful benefits. thanks for the reminder.
haha, that’s priceless. What a perfect example. The re-telling, the discovery of the lesson and how it had a consequence. Thanks so much … adopting the expression forthwith :)