I’ve always found silence a power thing. When I’m alone with it, it is a friend. When someone is using it against me, it is a weapon more damaging than anything anyone would have to register with the state.
I’m with you sister. There’s the silence of being complete and then there’s … THE SILENT TREATMENT!!! Most damaging weapon known to human being. I’ve got two people in my life who’ve been engaging in it for years. I used to get upset about it, especially after I did the Landmark Forum and I got the damage I’d been inflicting on myself and others from years of doing it myself. I tried everything I could to have them give it up .. apologised, pleaded for forgiveness for whatever I’d done that didn’t work for them, kept inviting them to meet me and .. nothing. Then I got something about it last year.
I saw I’d been believing they were preventing me speaking, that they were controlling my self-expression especially my expression of love. And I got it wasn’t true. I could express myself freely, and had been. What was missing was not my self-expression, what was missing was a response that I liked. Once I got that I was able to drop it. Now I don’t engage in the game (even though it looked to me like I hadn’t been engaging in it before, I had been). I’m standing for the possibility of love and affinity between us.
Good for you for letting go of the need to resolve it. That’s hard to do. I’ve had too many “friends” go out of my life by passively engaging silence. Just becoming ghosts unless I called them back. I kept wondering about them and would call or write. They would seem “so happy” to hear from me and make promises to get together. Then nothing until I reached out again. Communication has to go both ways for it to be communication. I finally got that and decided not to be a “stalker.” If they wanted my friendship, they knew how to find me–but they haven’t come looking for me yet! ;)
Here’s my point of view. They may not be speaking but they are communicating. Whether it’s the passive type of silence or the hostile type, it’s a communication. It’s saying “I’m punishing you for x”. The person may not be clear that it’s x at the bottom of it but there’s always an x and usually it’s a tiny incident. Even if the person gets clear about x it’s usually so tiny they can feel embarrassed to raise it, embarrassed to acknowledge it’s driving them. So it’s easier to keep on punishing, to “win”, to be “right”.
Well said. Being “right” is everything to so many people. It’s as if they wouldn’t exist without making their point loud and clear.
Being “right” is the default way of being of our world. It’s Gaza, Israel, Syria …