Speaking love


I’m reading the very popular, The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. It has sold like hot cakes this book ever since it was published more than 10 years ago. It’s such a sweet and elegant idea: that each of us expresses love and appreciation in one of five “languages”.

The languages are:

  1. words of affirmation
  2. gifts
  3. acts of service
  4. quality time
  5. physical touch.

Chapman’s proposition is that in order to have happy and satisfying relationships, we need to understand the love language the other person speaks. If we don’t, we won’t be able to hear the other’s love and appreciation. The proposition applies to romantic relationships, and to all one’s relationships: family, friends, work colleagues, and so on.

My love languages are words of affirmation and quality time, in basically equal measure. Then comes physical touch, and then a long way back, gifts and acts of service. If someone does something for me, or gives me a gift, I don’t really care. So there’s the poor person telling me of their love and appreciation, and I’m deaf and blind because words and time are the things that count for me.

When I look back, I see relationships that might have been different if I’d known this idea.

What about you? What’s your love language? To find out, do the quiz here: The 5 Love Languages Profile.


Image: One of the beautiful images from the 2014 exhibition at the Art Gallery of Ballarat, Eikon: Icons of the Orthodox Christian World; I think this image is known as Mother of God Korsunskaya, Russia, 17th century, egg tempura, silver leaf and gesso on linen over wood



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