Me and me

The other day I experienced an insight with a whole new shock and depth. I am my mother. It’s not that I share the genes of my mother, or that she gave birth to me, or that I grew up with her, or that I’m like or unlike her in looks, behaviour or any other way. None of that is what I’m talking about. She’s not over there while I’m here.

I AM her.

I had a phone conversation with her the day after, and had the experience of me talking to me. Extraordinary.

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11 thoughts on “Me and me

  1. I had a similar experience after my Mother died. I was sitting on her bed. Her wardrobe mirror reflecting my one hand on the iron bed-knob. I was staring at my hand, lost in thoughts of her when I realised it was the same as her hand. The same shape, knuckles, creases. The more I looked, the more it became ‘Her’ hand. Slowly I let go of the bed-knob, stretched my fingers and as I touched their reflection in the mirror, there was a powerful feeling of connection with her. It was surreal.
    One consciousness in all.
    It’s quite wonderful that you had that sense of oneness while your Mother is still with you.

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    • I think I mean something different from your experience. I experienced there is no me outside my mother. I AM her. If you took away everything that is “my mother”, there’s nothing left over, nothing that could be “me”. I AM her.

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  2. When she was living, I talked to her once and made a guess about how she felt about something. I was wrong. I’ve been living with the persistent feeling that I never really knew her as well as I thought I did.

    But maybe I don’t have to characterize our entire relationship from the one incident.

    Her examples shaped me radically from the person I otherwise would have been and I dance in that:

    Where I was inclined to float passively through life, her example was to be a fierce stand for those she loved.
    Where I was inclined to follow every rule, her example was to not follow the unjust rules.

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  3. I’ve been thinking about this post for quite awhile, as I often do with your posts. I think I get it now. Your experience was one of diminished ego and personal identity, something that is rare and difficult in our individual oriented culture. Hope I’m on the right track, here; otherwise, I’ll just have to muse on it longer. 😊

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    • You’re on the right track and there’s a step or two to go. When you say “diminished” ego and personal identity, it’s not quite that because it assumes that this thing called I is still there to some degree, only diminished. It’s that there’s no thing (no-thing, nothing) called I there. Not one particle, not one atom. I am, 100%, my mother. And if my mother were to have this insight, she would see that she is 100% me and there is no her there. There are not two people walking around in two bodies, there is one.

      And it’s not limited to what we call “being alive”. One could have exactly the same insight about a parent or a child who had died. You ARE your mother and your mother IS you.

      It’s also not limited to family, it’s just that it’s probably easier to see it about our relatives. One could have the same insight about a person who lives on the other side of the world who is unrelated to you.

      It’s also not limited to time. One could have the same insight about a person who lived in the past or one who lives in the future.

      When you say it’s rare and difficult in our culture, it can sound as if it’s an achievement to get this insight, or like there’s some moral aspect to it. It’s not like that. There’s nothing special about me. I’m just the same as everyone else, and I’m not doing anything special. I’ve got the same rackets and selfishness as anyone. The only thing I would say I do is that I’m listening for it. That’s all. It’s accessible to everyone, and anyone can hear/see if they want to. The culture doesn’t have any power, any say, in it.

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